Disturbing news arrived from the dream land as usual, but this time it was about crime that sound normal but the victim was a black man was murdered by the law force members, four white police men who committed the crime, in a brutal and cold blood. This crime and similar to it, are happening like in regular bases and at same level. But recently the numbers are increased and people start to be furious and they stood up to shout out loud, that’s ENOUGH , it seems like the black people who have sacrificed their lives, they did it for the wrong reasons. It seems like It doesn’t matter any more. Because all the same violent actions covered with racism behavior are continually being repeated over and over…
So is Martin luther King dream was unreal unfortunately.
It appears that the white prejudiced are inheriting the hates of different races either it, black, Latino, Arabs even though…If he did not talk directly about it or prevent it, he is helping to spreading and passing the hatred to the coming generations.
That took me back to my past life as black woman, who grow up in Arab country, I grow up in a loving caring family. My parents were trying to provide me and my siblings every thing we need with love and passion. At that stage my life was a quite and peace and nothing disturbing but our childish arguments.
By Joining school, I start to discover the other bad side picture for being black and in an ugly way.
One day at the school break, I was playing it my friend when another girl stepped toward me with her friend and placed her hand at my face, the girl moved away her hand terrifying that, my color will transfer to her and the other girl was laughing. At the age 6 and receiving such chock and that was the beginning of un expected situations in my life.
But there's one thing that I need to mention that the teachers were very kind and always invited me to their room when I was in my first year to ask about my name, age , etc... they also gave me candy, and I felt kind of special.
At the secondary school it was quite different, I was very a friendly character, and loved by the people around me, the last year before joining high school there was a ceremony planned by the state, there was a student representative from each school to attend this event , but the day they were choosing the girls although I got my family permission but they excluded me because I was black.
Later, earlier in my life, I had no confidence in myself because of the way I was raised, my mam have the same traditional thinking that she wish to see me married but was worried because I have dark skin that I won’t have fair chance for it, but my father have different way of thinking, that all what he cares for is to see us happy, whither I got married or not, which I appreciate him for, I believe that if I loved any one and he was a life I will run to tell him about him, I really appreciate his mentality.
I admit that some of my important decisions were affected because of the lack confidence, and mostly because where live, the majority don’t acknowledge women in addition she is black. But having supportive friends plus readings helped me to stand firmly in such situations and lead me to think wisely, there is one novel helped, “The bluest eyes” by Toni Marrison, it was about a black girl praying to God to give her bluest eyes. So that she can have everything she want….
I will start with the man in the mirror as MJ song, I already start to love my self and except who I am. I loved my color of my skin, my body as I used to be very skinny. One of the famous sentences that I used to hear all the time, that she is beautiful but she’s black !!!
It is a long journey and hard one, but I’ve reach 45 years feeling proud of myself, loving it inside and outside… I feel no shame, no guild and that I’m not less than anyone, I don’t feel that I’m a victim, most of us feel they are different because they are special, for me it is a gift from my creator that’s how I see it, and I will continue to make the best of me.
Let’s fight the “Racism” let’s fight the hatred start with your self.
